tEch maN
Junior Member
You gotta be kidding me...
Posts: 98
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Post by tEch maN on Jul 9, 2006 19:45:17 GMT -5
I remember back in the day before I had status or a phone
I wasted away my years and days getting stoned
Sprinting from the ones who wore the navy blue
To us they were like the boogie man, luckily stew's pipe was cool
Never had to worry about going home, prank call 911(lol)
Stew was always a stupid motherfucker saying, wasn't that fun
Looked at him and sounded like Chappel, fuck no son!
But now I'm done with smoking bud for a while
Instead I'll sell some cess and make a profit for the rest
Fuck no what am I thinking, slide some of it under to avoid arrest
If I wasn't running this shit I'd still be gunning and running
Thats my life!
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Post by ©el on Jul 11, 2006 1:56:37 GMT -5
Decent spit....kinda basic but u said it's ur life. Better than the one I read before this by far. U need to get more in touch with the technical aspects of written shit though....like multis, creativity, wordplay and all that. But keep doin yo thang cuz u comin up.
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tEch maN
Junior Member
You gotta be kidding me...
Posts: 98
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Post by tEch maN on Jul 11, 2006 10:24:52 GMT -5
multis? wordplay?
can you teach me of these things.
If you look at some of my older stuff you can see the creativity.
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Post by notes on Jul 11, 2006 21:20:16 GMT -5
aight well this shit is aight...had potential...honestyl the chappel line...kinda made me laugh...which added interest but some of towards the end kinda fell off...i agree that you should keep workin on it...cause you have potential usin shit like that chappelle line...just work on evenin out your bars...and be creative wit the words you rhyme.....and as you get a feel for it...you can add differents aspects to your verse...multi's are multiple syllables/words...that go together to add complexity to your flow....and egsample is like
restrainin phsycosis on the game
captured like eight shackles on str8 jackets
insane manic bastard wasted n plastered,
scatterin your brains on the land like grain planters
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tEch maN
Junior Member
You gotta be kidding me...
Posts: 98
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Post by tEch maN on Jul 12, 2006 1:03:18 GMT -5
hmmm. maybe i shouldn't have taken dre's advice and drop out of english, should have dropped science. i don't even know what syllables are. i think they may be part of the pronunciation.
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Post by ©el on Jul 13, 2006 16:03:08 GMT -5
It's cool fam we all started out like that. It's easy to rhyme words like "who shot, 2 pac, new glock, who's hot" but when u start telling a story or painting a picture in somebody's mind while flowing at the same time, u have to be creative and clever with how u say it so it stands out more in the reader's mind. Everybody got a story tell but the only people that get theirs across are the ones that are felt....shit most people can relate to. Try and throw some multis in ur rhymes...meaning similar sounding words or phrases hitting back to back or as close to each other as possible.
Ex.
"I remember back in the day before I had status or a phone
I wasted away my years and days getting stoned - was ur lines
I woulda said something like
I used to get stoned alone before a status or a phone...
But keep posting and let us help u elevate.
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Post by tEch maN on Jul 13, 2006 21:07:21 GMT -5
ight. for sure.
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Post by Konkeror on Jul 13, 2006 21:30:12 GMT -5
Yea I agree wit them, but ima take it a step further by addin delivery as well. ppl can sy da dumbest shit but how they say it makez ppl say "wow datz hot." U gotta add a personality to it. make it ur own. Jus keep spittin and watch ur elevation
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Post by vigorous on Jul 30, 2006 20:28:36 GMT -5
yo you def. came up from before, still gotta work on ya wordplay alot....but you need to get more in depth to ya story, not matter if its real or not...ya feel me...if its real you should feel it and if it aint you should make it so good that you make yaself believe it....make it less basic, and more creative...just keep spittin it'll come to you as you progress!!!!!
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